


Insomnia

by OrmondSacker



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Angst, Discussion of addictive behavior, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, M/M, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 18:23:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18722470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrmondSacker/pseuds/OrmondSacker
Summary: Though they are together again, both Hugh and Paul finds they have trouble sleeping.





	Insomnia

Hugh reaches out and takes the cup standing on the coffee table, drinking the last of the coffee in it. He makes a face as he swallows, the liquid has long since gone cold and he always disliked the taste of cold coffee, but it'll keep him awake and able to focus for a little while longer and that is all he needs from it.  

Putting the cup back again, he shifts on the couch trying to get more comfortable as he flips to the next article in the medical journal he is reading. He's three paragraphs into it when the door opens. His body tenses for a second, the hand that isn't holding the padd twitches where it lies idly on his thigh, a sharp jab of adrenaline flashes through his veins. Then Paul steps inside and the tension begins to ease away far more slowly than it began. 

 _Of course_ _it had only been Paul_ _._ _W_ _ho else would it be?_  

“You're still awake?” Paul asks, seeing Hugh sitting on their couch. 

”Mmmmm,” Hugh answers, forcing his attention back to the article. It is after all only Paul, nothing for him to dread. 

“I'm sorry I'm home so late,” Paul continues as he crosses the room to the couch and leans down to casually kiss Hugh. “Wrapping up this thing is taking much longer than anticipated. You didn't have to stay up.” 

“I got caught up reading this,” Hugh says, indicating his padd, something that is not quite a lie. 

Hugh tries to continue to read as Paul slowly goes through his evening routine, stripping off his uniform jacket, and begins to make ready for bed. 

“Isn't it about your bedtime too?” Paul asks in the middle of things. 

“I'll come when I've finished reading this,” Hugh says, not looking up. 

There is a moment's pause before Paul goes on, “Hugh, how much coffee have you drunk today?” 

“The normal amount,” Hugh answers, now purposefully not looking at Paul. I 

t's true enough, he hasn't drunk any more than he usually does these days, it's just that his intake is far higher now than it used to be. 

“As I thought.” 

Paul walk to the couch and sits down next to Hugh's shins, placing a comforting hand on his knee. 

“Hugh, what's wrong?” 

“What makes you think anything is wrong?” Hugh asks, still not looking away from his padd, but his thumbs begin to rub fretfully at its edges. 

“Because you've begun to drink nearly as much coffee as I do. In fact, you haven't said a word about that, which was what first gave away that something wasn't normal. You used to never stop hounding me about that.” 

Hugh places his padd in his lap and finally looks up at Paul, silently marveling at the role reversal, Paul trying to have an honest, emotional conversation and him being the one deflecting. Paul's eyes are soft and worried, but there's a determined set to his lips and Hugh knows he's not getting out of this one. Paul with a problem he wants to solve is like a dog with a bone, he never lets up. 

“I… have a hard time falling asleep,” Hugh confesses. “I know the caffeine isn't helping, but it keeps me going through the day and it keeps me able to focus until I'm finally tired enough to just drop. Otherwise I'm so tense I lie awake and toss and turn for hours, and when I finally doze off it is fitfully.” 

Paul’s hand gives his knee a squeeze. 

“You could have told me about it. Or someone,” he says. 

“I didn't want to worry you and there isn't a whole lot that can be done. Sometimes I just… can't wind down.” 

His eyes drop to the padd in his lap, his hands lying clasped on top of it, not knowing how to continue. Paul says nothing, his fingers rhythmically gripping Hugh's knee, waiting. 

“Why?” Paul finally asks when Hugh still after a few minutes haven’t continues. 

Hugh's fingers twitch reflexively on top of the padd. 

He hasn't spoken about his time in the network with Paul, not wanting to cause distress. Since they got back together, he's done his best to bury all of it, leave it in the past and rebuild. But some things can't be escaped or outrun. 

“I… never could let my guard down,” he finally says. “When I was trapped in the network. Maybe for a second or two, but any longer than that was dangerous. Any sound, any flash of light, could herald approaching danger and I learned to stay alert for anything and escape at the first sign of trouble.”  

He sighs, grabs the padd and puts it on the coffee table, rubs his hands over the top of his thighs. 

“Part of me still don't believe I'm safe, refuses to let go of the vigilance,” Hugh finishes. 

“Is it easier, or harder, when I'm around you?” Paul asks. 

“I'm not moving out again,” Hugh says sharply, his voice jumping up an octave. Their separation is still a sensitive subject with both of them. 

Paul shifts up so that he’s sitting next to Hugh’s thighs, right hand sliding up from Hugh’s knee to his thigh as well, he puts his left on Hugh’s shoulder. 

“I’m not saying you are, or suggesting you should. But if we’re going to solve this, I, we, need to know what is and isn’t working.” 

‘We.’ Paul’s use of plural makes everything feel a little better. 

Hugh reaches out and puts his hand on the top of Paul’s right. 

“There is an easy answer to your question,” he says, giving Paul’s hand a little squeeze. 

“Then give me the complicated one.” 

Hugh nods, considering his words while his fingers trace idle patterns on the back of Paul’s hand. 

“Having company, your company, does help. Help me remember that I’m here, in this world. That I’m not alone. But... anything can set me off. A bright light, a loud or just wrong noise and I can feel my heart race, and everything feels so... sharp.” 

Paul’s hand lying on his shoulder gently brushes across it. 

“And when you’re falling asleep? What then?” 

“Then it does help. You being there. Maybe I should have told you sooner but...” 

Paul strokes Hugh's shoulder gently, offering a small smile. 

“You’re telling me now. And I’ll try to get back earlier more often.” 

“Paul, I know that-” 

Paul cuts him off with a kiss. 

“If it’s something that can wait to the next day, then from now on it will. I promise you that. Plenty of this stuff can wait. No more unnecessarily long nights for me.” 

“Why haven’t you come back earlier more often?” Hugh asks. 

Paul looks away from him, his eyebrows pulling downwards. 

“I guess I’ve been afraid. Of coming back to an empty cabin. I knew that if I returned late enough, you’d be here. Then... fearing you might still not be there and putting off going home until even later.” 

Hugh shifts down and pulls Paul into a hug, burying his face at his neck. 

“I’m here Paul, I’m never leaving again.” 

Hugh feels Paul sink into his embrace, hugging back just as intensely. 

“Bed?” Paul asks when he pulls back a bit. 

“Yes. I think it’s time.” 

Reluctantly Paul disentangles himself from Hugh’s arms and stands up, holds out his hand and pulls Hugh to his feet when he takes it. 

“I can give you a backrub when we get to bed, that should relax you,” Paul offers. 

Hugh chuckles, surprised to find himself smiling. 

“The way you usually do them, it’ll do the opposite of relaxing me, darling,” he says, lightly running a hand down the front of Paul’s jacket. 

There’s a slight reddening of Paul's neck, but he gives Hugh a cheeky grin. 

“But that should relax us both nicely, shouldn’t it?” 

“You’re hopeless,” Hugh says, smiling wider than he feels he’s done in days. 

Paul’s smile softens and he takes Hugh’s hand, and pulls him towards the bedroom. Forgetting about both coffee and article Hugh willingly lets himself be pulled. With Paul here, trying to go to sleep feels less intimidating. 


End file.
